I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
