I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
