it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
