i wish semen tasted like chocolate
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
