there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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