I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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