she woke up with a sticky ear
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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