i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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