I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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