i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
