He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
