Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
