So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
birth control should be required to get into college
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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