turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
