I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
