opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
