Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
