Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
