I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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