You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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