its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
