Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself

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(773): View more from Illinois

If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.

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(313): View more from Michigan

I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.

Fav 14 1927 3703
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(786): View more from Florida

hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.

Fav 8 5337 1785
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(404): View more from Georgia

I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.

Fav 19 980 5399
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.

Fav 7 1629 5127
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(607): View more from New York

Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?

Fav 1 755 397
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(901): View more from Tennessee

Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.

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