Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
