She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
