I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
