chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
