My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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