you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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