I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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