She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
