I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I've blown a few things in my day
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
