Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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