But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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