I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
