i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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