We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
