kristin has been a bad kristin
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
