Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
