He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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