onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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