So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
