I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
