I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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