I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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