were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
