Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
