i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Ladies don't puke and tell
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
