I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
