Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
