Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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