not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
